i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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