i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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