There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
