I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
