When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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