dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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