I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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