do herpes really smell.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
