Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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