if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
