i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
