how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
