I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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