The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
