He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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