i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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