Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I want a musical about memes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
