I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
