it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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