Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
