Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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