I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
