I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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