when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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