her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
