i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
