I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
