Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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