We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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