Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
