Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
