who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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