I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How external is "for external use only"?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
