Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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