My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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