are you so shy because you have an std?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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