yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
