So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
