So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
