I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
