eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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