Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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