Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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