Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
