who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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