Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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