She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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