I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
