im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
