I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
