He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
