Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
