If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
