i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
