I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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