Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery