I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE