I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.