My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?