There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need to stop coming to work sober
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
