I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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