sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
