I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
