fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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