its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
