I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
