I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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